Wednesday, May 27, 2009

The feeling of the day is overwhelmed

We just got back from a wonderful weekend spent with friends at Ricketts Glenn State Park. We enjoyed hiking, campfires, archery and the lake/beach area. The best part for me was being cut off from all technology. Our cell phones didn't work and we had no computer to check email. It was wonderful. I was able to completely focus on my children and have fun!

I never realized how much stress is connected to being connected. When I am home, like now, I am tempted to check email, I am tempted to check the china adoption forum to see if any families have gotten their LOA's. There is this constant tug in my mind that today could be the day we get our LOA. That tug can be tiring. It is the not knowing "when" that is wearing me down. We are on day 38 of our wait for our LOA. I am praying we do not have to wait much longer. The other part to this that is hard is I am trying to plan our school year for the fall, but I don't even know when I will be in the country. I can try and imagine how adding Jonathan to our family will change the dynamic, change our schedule, but I really will have no idea until he arrives.

If you know me well, you know I am not a fly by the seat of your pants kinda girl. I like plans, I like schedules, I like knowing...maybe God is trying to teach me something here. Yes, God is trying to teach me to rest in Him, to trust Him, to depend on Him. I like to think I am in control, but I can only find true rest when I give control back to Him.

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